Wikipedia:Peer review/Category 6: Day of Destruction/archive1
Category 6: Day of Destruction[edit]
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for September 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has undergone significant improvement in the last week or so, and I'd like to get feedback on how I can further improve it before I send it up for GA, and possible later FA.
Thanks, -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 18:05, 16 September 2008 (UTC)
- Comments
- I'd consider merging the last single-sentence para - this is a borderline case for two paras per WP:LEAD - the article is just over 15Kb but a few Kb will be markup...
- ".. and a journalist and power officials attempt to find its cause." - maybe consider making it a bit more causal - so "leaving a journalist and power industry officials to..." (power officials - is that for real?)
- Odd mismatch between it being a "miniseries" per opening sentence and subsequently a film per reviews later in the lead - perhaps it's typical for US miniseries, I'm not sure. Also I guess a "four hour miniseries" which lasts 174 mins (i.e. just less than three hours) is a typical US series? 72% movie, 28% advert?
- "sweeps week " - what is this?
- "films high budget" - I'm no king of apostrophe, but should that be "film's high budget"?
- " is days away" - many days? thousands? two? you know what I mean?
- "Concerned, and upset" - understatement consider Las Vegas has just been flattened, surely?
- "Area 51 FX" - what is this? I assume a special effects company?
Otherwise GA material. The Rambling Man (talk) 17:05, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
- Thanks for reviewing! First two items addressed. For the third, I fixed the terminology in the lead, and then later in the article noted film miniseries, since its basically both. It aired in a two two-hour blocks, and without commercials was 174 minutes, and yep, that's fairly typical. 10th Kingdom aired in a 10 hour block, but the actual film is just under 7 hours without the commercials. :) I wikified Sweeps week since I'm not sure how to summarize it in the lead without making the sentence odd (basically one of four times in a year when networks try to boost viewers, usually by doing season premieres or otherwise airing all new, hopefully highly desired content). Fixed items 6 and 7. For 8, he really was more pissed they missed it and wanted to make sure they didn't miss anymore weather. I reworded it to clarify that. Fixed the last item as well. -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 18:01, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
- Glad to be of help. GA will be a breeze, even if you have to wait two weeks! The Rambling Man (talk) 18:11, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
- Thanks for reviewing! First two items addressed. For the third, I fixed the terminology in the lead, and then later in the article noted film miniseries, since its basically both. It aired in a two two-hour blocks, and without commercials was 174 minutes, and yep, that's fairly typical. 10th Kingdom aired in a 10 hour block, but the actual film is just under 7 hours without the commercials. :) I wikified Sweeps week since I'm not sure how to summarize it in the lead without making the sentence odd (basically one of four times in a year when networks try to boost viewers, usually by doing season premieres or otherwise airing all new, hopefully highly desired content). Fixed items 6 and 7. For 8, he really was more pissed they missed it and wanted to make sure they didn't miss anymore weather. I reworded it to clarify that. Fixed the last item as well. -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 18:01, 19 September 2008 (UTC)