The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by Valereee (talk) 17:16, 24 March 2021 (UTC)
ALT3:... that Edward Hewitt Nichols was the first leader of Hong Kong's Country Parks administrations, and oversaw the designation of 40% of the territory as park? Leadership: 王, 福義 (2005) - 香港郊野公園簡史 [An Overview of the History of Country Parks in Hong Kong, translated from PDF at Hong Kong Nature Web 香港自然網 as archived from the original on 12 June 2010], 40%: 漁農處長李國士於本年六月榮休 [The Director of Agriculture and Fisheries, Edward, Will Retire in June This Year]. Wah Kiu Yat Po 華僑日報 [Overseas Chinese Daily News]. 19 January 1980.
Reviewed: fewer than five DYK credits
Comment: Per WP:QPQ, a review of others' nomination is not needed since this will be the first credit, though one may be performed later.
Created by Aseleste (talk). Self-nominated at 10:06, 12 March 2021 (UTC).
Overall: A very interesting article on a figure probably unknown most outside Hong Kong but who had a major effect on the appearance, leisure options, air quality, etc., of HK, as well as the development of co-ops and credit unions, all with lasting impact. This is a serious composition, length is very good for a fresh article (mainspace 7 March, 3.5k words); I made a little copyedit run, and a little more would be no harm, notably the further removal of "Edward" in most places - we use surnames to maintain encyclopedic distance. Clean bill of health on copyvio / paraphrasing. No picture issues. Two areas need action. Every para is cited, and in more than one location, but there is a direct quote which needs its own citation. Finally the hook... it's clear, and it's cited. But I think it could be more "hooky" - right now there are two names, neither widely known, and a mention of Hong Kong. Passing readers may not be clear why it would be interesting to read further - and yet inside is the story of how Hong Kong came to have so much green space, and more. I'd suggest putting context around at least one name, and trying (without exceeding the 200 char. limit) to convey more of *why* the governor made the comment, so "Governor MacLehose said..." I know, not easy in few words. I'll keep an eye. SeoR (talk) 14:20, 20 March 2021 (UTC)
Thanks for reviewing the nomination! Your copy edit is quite helpful as I am not quite yet a proficient content creator.
For the direct quote, I believe you were referring to the quote in the lead. It has just been fixed here.
As for the hook, I will try to make an improved one in the next day or so after browsing some previous hooks by others and taking your advice. ~ Aseleste (t, e | c, l) 15:33, 20 March 2021 (UTC)
You are most welcome Aseleste, and I may do a little more copyediting. And yes, the quotation issue is now fine, flag changed above. The hook composition point is sometimes tricky - the key thing to remember is that while it must be valid and cited, it does not have to be central - it's job is to get readers interested. As you will see, sometimes it's a quirky or "I'd never have guessed that" sort of point. In your case, I don't think you need quirky, just a compact way to flag what the subject achieved. SeoR (talk) 00:02, 21 March 2021 (UTC)
I think mentioning the subject only is enough. I have added words to highlight his work. The result is:
... that Edward Hewitt Nichols was praised for being "a preserver of Hong Kong's countryside, and an organiser of recreation in it" for his tremendous work in nature conservation?
Hopefully there are improvements. ~ Aseleste (t, e | c, l) 07:59, 22 March 2021 (UTC)
Thanks, and I have posted that as Alt (alternative hook) 1 (the base is considered as 0), and would also offer two modified forms for your consideration:
... that Edward Hewitt Nichols was praised for being "a preserver of Hong Kong's countryside, and an organiser of recreation in it" by the territory's governor? (knowing who / what office said it may have impact)
... that Edward Hewitt Nichols was the first leader of Hong Kong's Country Parks administrations, and oversaw the designation of 40% of the territory as park? (that 40% is a remarkable statistic - few places in the world have set aside so much land as park - and I think readers will be curious as to who achieved that)
If you'd like to adopt either of those as options, just say - and if you come up with any other options, very welcome. I suggest to finalise the options within a day, make sure they're cited, and I will approve it to proceed. If multiple options are offered, a Wikipedia Administrator will select which of them they feel will have most impact at the next stage (promotion) of the process. SeoR (talk) 09:27, 22 March 2021 (UTC)
Alright, I have just updated the hooks. They can be finalized now. ~ Aseleste (t, e | c, l) 12:05, 22 March 2021 (UTC)
Many thanks. Sorry for delay, Real Life got busy, but looking well. Good move to take citations from templates to text, I added one more so your hook points are fully covered. One last hint would be to perhaps reduce the redlinks (links to not-yet-made pages) in the article. Good luck, SeoR (talk) 19:35, 23 March 2021 (UTC)
A very interesting article on a figure probably unknown most outside Hong Kong but who had a major effect on the appearance, leisure options, air quality, etc., of HK, as well as the development of co-ops and credit unions, all with lasting impact. This is a serious composition, length is very good for a fresh article (mainspace 7 March, 3.5k words); I made a little copyedit run, and a little more would be no harm, notably the further removal of "Edward" in most places - we use surnames to maintain encyclopedic distance. Clean bill of health on copyvio / paraphrasing. No picture issues. Two areas need action. Every para is cited, and in more than one location, but there is a direct quote which needs its own citation. Finally the hook... it's clear, and it's cited. But I think it could be more "hooky" - right now there are two names, neither widely known, and a mention of Hong Kong. Passing readers may not be clear why it would be interesting to read further - and yet inside is the story of how Hong Kong came to have so much green space, and more. I'd suggest putting context around at least one name, and trying (without exceeding the 200 char. limit) to convey more of *why* the governor made the comment, so "Governor MacLehose said..." I know, not easy in few words. I'll keep an eye. SeoR (talk) 14:20, 20 March 2021 (UTC)